Lumen Cove Page 10

  Kelsey felt dazed, in some state of shock. She was rattled to the core, his mouth on hers, feeling him outside and inside. She hadn’t expected this. No one ever talked about the raw intimacy of this moment, when your breathing started to slow and the ache began to fade. His lips left hers, his eyes opening and she felt a violent tug in her chest, something akin to fear but not, more a desperation to not let him leave.

  He touched the side of her face, seeing the anxiety in her eyes and kissed her lightly again. “Okay I’m going to pull back,” he said calmly, his eyes holding hers and she nodded. “You’re going to close your legs and turn onto your hip as fast as you can, okay?” Her brow crinkled in confusion and he gave her his tight smile. “Trust me.”

  She nodded and he nodded back. “Ready?” he asked and she nodded again.

  She hissed against his swift departure but managed to close her legs while he hoisted himself over them to lay beside her and she struggled onto her side, feeling wetness trickle from her, pressing her thighs together instinctively. She felt him settle next to her, kicking his legs to get them under the covers. He pulled the blankets up over the both of them and Kelsey curled more into herself, tucking an arm underneath the pillow. She pressed her face into it, breathing in the clean, simple scent of him in the fabric. He raised his arm, reaching with his other hand to tug at her hip, getting her to scoot closer. She lifted her head to allow his arm to slip underneath her neck and pressed her face to his chest, feeling his heart pounding hard against her cheek.

  He let out a heavy sigh, a satisfied sound, as he rested his cheek against the top of her head, feeling her hand reach tentatively to lay against his chest. He covered it with his, picking it up and bringing it to his lips, kissing her fingertips gently. She rubbed her cheek against his skin, pulling herself closer to him and he felt her body relax as he placed her hand back on his chest, holding it there with his own.

  Alex was sure the morning would bring a lot of guilt, maybe some regrets but he allowed himself this one final indulgence, to lay here with her and enjoy the weight of her head on chest, her hair flung across his arm as sleep began to drag him under. Kelsey was fading fast, his heart beat like a lullaby in her ear. She pressed a lazy kiss to his chest before succumbing to sleep, vowing to deal with the consequences tomorrow. Tonight she just wanted to feel this.

  Kelsey woke with a fearful jerk in a dark and unfamiliar place. Her hips ached and her insides felt raw. It only took half a second for it all to come flooding back. The clock on his bedside table read 4:33 a.m. The condo was all shadows and moonlight, familiar but not, in that way places had when you’d never before seen them in the dark. She felt Mr. Danvers - Alex - behind her, his breathing deep and slow, arm flung around her waist. She wanted to turn and look at him, to see his face smooth and unburdened in sleep but she was afraid to move for fear of waking him, for fear of what he would say to her.

  A paralyzing dread hit her then, the thought of him scolding her and telling her what they had done was wrong made her chest feel tight and panicked. She had the nagging feeling that she’d already lost him even though he was right there, holding her. She knew that wouldn’t last. He would insist that this never happen again, that they shouldn’t be alone together anymore.

  She couldn’t take it, the ache in her chest unbearable. She slid as cautiously as she could to the side of the bed, his arm sliding from her hip to the mattress, dead weight. She stood, wetness rolling down her legs and she wrinkled her nose. Reva never told her about that. She searched for her clothes in the dark, trying not to make a sound even though Alex was dead to the world. She winced as she forced herself back into her jeans, her hips resisting the stretch of lifting her legs. She looked at him then, moonlight playing across his shoulder, his face in a shadow and she forced herself to turn away, feeling her eyes sting. She wouldn’t force him to reject her. She would just dress and go.

  Grabbing her purse and coat, she let herself out the back door, closed it silently behind her and winced her way down the stairs. Reva never told her about that part either. The last time she’d been sore like this was when Reva convinced her to do that spin class at the rec center. Her mind wandered as she trudged slowly down the length of Building One, the air crisp but dry. He had been so gentle, so sweet. There was no question of her getting hers, something Reva lamented about with previous beaus, and she’d had no trouble getting there. It was almost as if her body had been waiting for him all this time and once it had him, there wasn’t much he needed to do to satisfy it.

  She shivered against the cold, mounted the steps to Building Two, taking them slow and she didn’t think she could bear seeing him in class in ten hours. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to pretend nothing had happened? She let herself into the condo and heaved a sigh, feeling so very heavy, the weight of what they had done, the weight of the loss of him, feeling as if it would bury her.

  A light flicked on, suddenly blinding her and she threw her hand up against it. Sully was sitting on the couch, a beer in one hand looking stern.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he asked looking her up and down in suspicion and she fought a blush.

  “Reva’s,” she replied dully and made for her room, formerly Gram’s room, and Sully reached out a hand to stop her, gripping her wrist tight.

  “You come slinking in at quarter to five in the morning and you expect me to believe you were with that Indian girl?”

  Kelsey ripped her arm from his grasp. “Not that it’s any of your business but yeah. She snores sometimes. I have a physics exam in four hours and need some sleep.”

  She keyed herself into her room and shut the door sharply behind her, thumbing the lock over with a click. She leaned back against the door, her head falling against it and felt the tears well but she refused to let them fall. She just needed some sleep. Looking into the room it was almost easy to believe that it was still Gram’s. Kelsey made the bed every day now, something she never did in her own room, much to Eleanor’s chagrin. She spent time carefully arranging the throw pillows how Gram had liked them. It was tidy, all the matronly trinkets still on the dresser and bedside tables, flower prints still hung on the walls. The only thing that gave it away was her pile of clothes stacked on the two chairs in the sitting area by the sliding glass door. All of Gram’s things were still in the closet.

  Kelsey sat on the end of the bed, holding her head in her hands and cursed the stinging of her eyes when thinking about Alex and Gram. Why did everyone leave her eventually? What about her was so terrible that when she really got close to someone it wasn’t long before they were gone?

  She rubbed her eyes hard, sniffing as she stood and strode purposefully into the bathroom. What she needed was a shower to scald away the memory of his touch and revitalize her wounded heart. Hot water had a purifying effect though the temperature in an average shower reached only 110 degrees. Temps over 120 degrees would scald in about five minutes…

  And so she let her mind unravel itself, shutting her hurt feelings inside and burying them underneath the heavy blanket of the only thing that never failed to bring her comfort; the steady surety of modern science and mathematics.

  Chapter Seven

  “Wow, you look like shit.”

  Kelsey gave Reva a mordant look as her friend studied her face, pulling the door closed behind her as she stepped out onto the landing.

  “You know, you’re the one that’s always telling me I need to do better stuff to my face,” Kelsey said, gesturing to her appearance which she had worked meticulously to conceal, power, highlight, contour and bronze before leaving the house.

  “I know,” Reva said, swiveling her head around in a way that reminded Kelsey of a curious owl. “I can’t believe you listened to me. Turn your head,” she said while forcibly grabbing Kelsey’s chin, and Kelsey let her maneuver it this way and that. Reva pursed her lips. “Not bad.”

  “Then why did you say I looked like shit?” Kelsey asked defensively as she start
ed down the landing toward the stairs.

  “You look tired under all that pretty,” Reva said, gesturing at her face. “You crash at your own place last night?”

  “Where else would I have crashed?” Kelsey retorted shortly and Reva stopped at the top of the stairs looking at her with suspicious eyes. Kelsey glanced back at her over her shoulder and then rolled her eyes. “Yes, I crashed at my own place, Reva, come on.”

  They trudged down the stairs, Kelsey wincing the entire way down, and Reva was still looking at her with curiosity as they began their decent down the complex boardwalk to Lumen Beach.

  “You okay?” Reva asked and Kelsey nodded.

  “Hey, how was your date?” Kelsey asked brightly and Reva sighed.

  “I don’t wanna talk about it,” she groaned and Kelsey looked alarmed.

  “You don’t?” Kelsey asked, trying to mask the panicked edge in her voice.

  “You know, we don’t have to talk about boys all the time, Kelsey!” Reva said, her outburst making Kelsey jump, and blink at her friend in astonishment. “We are perfectly capable young women. With our own lives and our own dreams. And we don’t need to chase around some stupid guy who doesn’t even know what he wants anyway.”

  “Right,” Kelsey said, latching on to this like a lifeline. “We are… the world.” Reva stopped and looked at her as if she’d grown another head. “I need caffeine.”

  Reva laughed, “Uh yeah, when you start quoting Michael Jackson I’d say it’s time to insert the IV.”

  Kelsey snorted, stepping down onto the sand and they were silent for a moment, enjoying the early morning sunshine as the sea breeze bit at their faces. Kelsey kept her eyes on the ocean, watching the dull gray water lap at the shoreline and tried not to think about Alex - Mr. Danvers. Surely, he was awake by now. What had he thought when he found her gone? Relief most likely.

  “Okay, why are you walking like that?” Reva asked with a laugh and Kelsey looked down at herself.

  “Like what?” she asked, feeling her heartbeat pick up.

  “Like you were sodomized with a baseball bat,” Reva snorted and Kelsey made a face.

  “My hips hurt,” she grumbled and Reva blinked at her. “The chairs at the library need to be reupholstered.”

  “Uh huh,” Reva replied, still eyeing her with suspicion before turning her gaze to Building One as they began to pass. “Hey how are things going with the tutoring? Have you given him your v-card yet?”

  Kelsey sputtered, looking at her alarmed and Reva raised her eyebrows as her friend paled beneath her bronzer. “I…why would you even say that Reva!?”

  “Because when you make that face like your head is gonna explode it’s really, really funny,” Reva replied, grinning obnoxiously at her and Kelsey gave her a rough shove that made Reva laugh.

  They bickered the rest of the way to the coffee shop and Kelsey felt some of the heaviness begin to lift. She couldn’t tell Reva what happened, but having Reva around was comfort enough. She opened the door to Perkatory and immediately felt like a cartoon that just got flattened by a piano when she saw Alex standing at the counter talking with Jake as his order was being made.

  “You know what, I don’t want any coffee,” Kelsey said, turning abruptly and ran smack in to Reva who didn’t let her pass.

  “Whoa whoa whoa, I thought you said you needed caffeine?”

  “I changed my mind,” Kelsey said trying to dodge around her but Reva stood her ground.

  “Well okay but I’m still getting some,” Reva said slowly as if Kelsey were dimwitted.

  “I’ll wait outside,” Kelsey mumbled and Reva looked past her, her eyes lighting up.

  “Hey Mr. Danvers,” she said and Kelsey closed her eyes against the rush of adrenalin that burned through her veins.

  She turned slowly, finding Alex standing there with a to-go cup in his hand. He blinked at them, his deep blue eyes emphasized by the sea blue button down he was wearing underneath his coat. Kelsey could feel herself beginning to blush, wondering if he was wearing the khakis he wore yesterday. She looked at the ground, scuffing the toe of her sneaker against the floor.

  Alex felt momentarily as if he’d been punched in the gut. He’d woken up this morning to an empty bed, no note and a sinking suspicion that in the cold light of morning Kelsey was having some regrets. He laid in bed watching the room begin to lighten, not even bothering to get up for his morning workout. He felt strange, unsettled which he supposed he shoulder have expected but it wasn’t because he’d slept with a student. It was because she just left without a goodbye or anything. When did she leave? Why did she leave? And now with her standing right in front of him, refusing to look at him he had no doubt that she felt nothing but regret about what happened last night. He was for a moment overwhelmed by how much that.

  He cleared his throat and shook his head. “Miss Sarno,” he said nodding his head at Reva before his eyes slid to Kelsey again who was still staring at the floor. “Miss Charming,” he said softly, wishing that she would look up at him but she merely addressed a quiet “hello” to her shoes. “I’ll be seeing you after class today?” He ventured and this time her head snapped up, looking at him wide eyed.

  Surely, he wasn’t still considering tutoring her? His eyes were searching hers and she felt as if she were being x-rayed, something that he did often and had always made her feel uneasy. But now, it felt almost intrusive, like he was picking through the wreckage, refusing to leave well enough alone.

  Kelsey felt herself fumble for words. “Uh… I mean…” she stuttered Alex still holding her gaze and she told herself she was being ridiculous when she felt they were begging her. She couldn’t do this. “I have to… I have a meeting with Mr. Papert after school today.”

  “Oh…” Alex said watching her drop her gaze again and he pressed his lips together, squinting in displeasure. “Maybe tomorrow then.

  “Yeah maybe,” Kelsey said, “Uh I’m gonna go order.”

  She made a point to take a wide step around him and rushed to the counter, Alex craning his neck over his shoulder to watch her go. When he turned back, Reva was looking at him with her head tilted to the side in thought. He gave her a reticent smile before moving to go out the door.

  “See you in class, Mr. Danvers,” she said as he pushed open the door and he looked back, his eyes meeting Kelsey’s as she turned around with her coffee. He ripped his gaze away to give Reva a small smile and a brief nod before stepping out the door.

  Kelsey felt gutted, her heart thundering in her chest, her knees shaking. She didn’t understand why that had hurt so much. The tenderness in his eyes, the questions behind them, she couldn’t stand it. She needed to stay away from him, to cut it off before it began to grow inside her and his eventual leaving would hurt even worse, though she couldn’t possibly imagine how.

  “Well, that was awkward,” Reva said walking up to Kelsey. She frowned at the look of complete misery on her face. “Hey are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” Kelsey said, plastering a smile on her face that made Reva’s frown deepen even more.

  “Okay you need to come clean with me right now. What is going on?” Reva said sternly and in that moment she looked and sounded just like Lavali, something that would horrify Reva if Kelsey said it.

  “Nothing is going on,” Kelsey insisted, looking away as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, attempting to cross her arms over her chest which only caused her to spill some of her coffee. “Ugh dammit,” she groaned, wiping at the side of her jacket.

  “Bullshit, Kelsey,” Reva said putting her hands on her hips. “Is it something with Danvers?”

  “What is your obsession with him Reva? He’s just a stupid teacher.” Reva’s eyes widened at the venom in her voice. Kelsey pressed a hand to her forehead, her mind racing. “Okay, you wanna know what the deal is?”

  “Yes,” Reva said slowly, peering suspiciously at Kelsey. Kelsey gritted her teeth.

  “Do you remember the other day when we were t
exting?” Reva blinked at her. Kelsey rolled her eyes. “About Al- Mr. Danvers?”

  A slow smile pulled over Reva’s face. “About him bending you over his desk in his classroom?”

  “Yeah,” she said and then cleared her throat. “Well… I was texting with him at the same time,” Kelsey said and Reva raised an eyebrow. “A question about the Hamlet paper I was writing and I was trying to copy/paste this website and-”

  “NO!” Reva said her eyes going so wide Kelsey feared they would fall out of her head, which was the exact reaction she was going for. “You sent that to him?” Reva asked in a heated whisper.

  “Yes,” Kelsey said, letting her head fall back dramatically. “And now shit is all weird.”

  Reva looked vaguely horrified for a moment before her face smoothed and she went into crisis management mode. “You know what? Just tell him you were sexting a guy and got your windows mixed up.” She shrugged. “Honest mistake. Won’t happen again.” She mimed wiping her hands as if that were the end of that.

  “I’m supposed to tell him I was se…” Kelsey glanced around and lowered her voice. “Sexting a guy?”

  “Yeah,” Reva said with a shrug, stepping past her and up to the counter. Kelsey followed, confused.

  “Who am I supposed to say it was?” Kelsey asked and Reva looked at her as if she were insane.

  “Do you really think he’s going to ask?” Reva replied with a laugh and Kelsey bit her lip. “Thanks Jake,” Reva said as he handed her a to-go cup. “Look, if you need a little more background to really sell the lie, just say it was Elliot.”